VENOM: THE LAST DANCE – The Red Right Hand Movie Reviews [Matthew Stogdon]

Starring
Tom Hardy
Chiwetel Ejiofor
Juno Temple

Still on the run following the events in the previous film, Eddie Brock [Hardy] and the alien symbiote, Venom, see a news report that they are in fact being framed for the murder of Detective Patrick Mulligan (played by Stephen Graham). Outraged, they decide to journey to New York to clear their name. En route, however, the pair are attacked by an alien hunter called a xenophage. This creature is a ruthless killing machine with a laser-like focus that can track symbiotes that have fused with a host, as this creates a ‘codex’. And that’s the very thing that can release it’s master (Knull) from his prison. All the while we’re introduced to a military-scientific unit at Area 51, headed up by General Strickland [Ejiofor] and Dr Payne [Temple] who have also learned of Knull and are hunting Venom down for answers.

This is, categorically, the definition of a pinball movie; bouncing around from point to point, as shiny lights and loud buzzers continually fire off to hold your attention. And while the first two Venom releases weren’t particularly groundbreaking, they had an element of disposable fun and a very energetic charming central performance that made up for it. But Venom: The Last Dance has completely burned through that goodwill. And what we’re left with is a tired Tom Hardy, excessive franchise setup, threadbare scene connection, and inconsequential plot points. Again, say what you want about Venom and Venom: Let There Be Carnage, they followed a clear three act structure with character arcs, growth and resolutions – you know, simple narrative building blocks. But the writing here is particularly egregious – to the extent that every other line feels like an exposition dump or lacklustre punch-up. And that’s not a gradual devolution, it’s evident from the incredibly clumsy and hamfisted opening. Starting off with a hollow setup of Knull, a multiverse retcon, and a throwaway bar scene. It’s the epitome of “and then and then and then” storytelling that leaps from event to event without any cause or justification other than a series of loosely connected first draft placeholders.

As odd as this may sound, given the extraterrestrial nature of the movie itself, not a single character feels human. There’s cartoon/comic book energy and then there’s sheer incredulity. You’ve still got Tom Hardy’s dual performance of grumpy marionette and gravelly-voiced hungry angry toddler which initially charmed audiences. But outside of that, the supports feel bizarre. Ejiofor’s General Strickland is a two dimensional soldier. No questions, just capture, shoot, wipe them all out for the sake of planet Earth, etc etc. Nothing notably interesting there. Then you’ve got Temple’s Dr Teddy Payne, who is given a series of flashbacks detailing a lightning strike that killed her twin brother and paralysed her left arm. Given how prominently these feature, you’d be forgiven for thinking this would have some huge point of significance later but it’s honestly so tenuous that you didn’t really need to include the multiple nods and “I’m still alive, living my brother’s dream. That’s why I do what I do” tenacity. And the less said about Clark Backo’s researcher who wears a Christmas broach, the better, because she flips wildly back-and-forth between background tertiary to central figure with little easing. And then, finally and possibly most inexplicably, we have the Moon family. See, on Eddie’s pillar-to-post quest, he randomly encounters a family of hippies on their way to check out Area 51 before it’s decommissioned. I honestly can’t understand their inclusion. Set aside that this isn’t 1992 and I don’t think that specific brand of 70s hippie still exists, Eddie tagging along with the family to add some stake and gravitas is lazy writing. And the fact their secondary purpose is for Eddie to have a minor crisis about an alternate life and how he could have been a father is.. odd.

As the mindlessness of this movie droned on, I couldn’t help but ponder, “Who is this for?” With its meandering pace and goldfish memory, the movie sporadically picks up characters and locations, mashes them together, only to get distracted by the next shiny object. “We’re on a plane, no we’re in a van, no we’re in a casino, and then there’s a dance sequence! Yeah!” It’s all so quietly exhausting with so many threads that go nowhere. Not to mention characters that have no direct relevance to the story but are likely supposed to be integral components in multiple future instalments. And I’m not just referring to Knull (who is trying to be setup as some Thanos-level threat) but orphaned scenes that the editors seemingly forgot to cut, such as a shadowy figure in a high tech ops room; which I can only presume is Reid Scott reprising his role from the last film in a different capacity?

But we need to talk about the xenophages, which are unbearably frustrating. Granted, the design itself is pretty cool, with their combination of scorpion-like body and a wood-chipper for a face. But these hunters who, we learn through far too many POV shots, see the world in a sea of black and white, except for the codex which can be tracked across several miles. Sometimes they appear in an instant, sometimes you can run from them. Similarly, they can jump from the ground to a plane mid-flight, or they struggle to catch a motorbike jumping off a ramp. And, most frustratingly, they have a sonic ability which can separate symbiotes from their host. But this is only used once. Oh, and they’re invincible and can reconstitute but we’re still given scenes of explosions, immolation, and laceration with the same “and stay down” energy; only for everyone to act surprised when they reform. I honestly cannot stress how inconsistent and convenient to the plot they are throughout. So, again, who is this for? It lacks the emotional weight of genuine character motivation, it’s dumb but never goes full Deadpool levels of irreverent comedy, it’s littered with big budget action set-pieces but nothing of real note or significance, and fails to drum up any suspense or urgency as we are dragged to the excessively indulgent trilogy flashback montage of “the good times.”

I always say, no one sets out to make a bad movie. Not intentionally. There are simply rushed schedules, poor scripts, underdeveloped concepts, interfering executives, and an eventual sense of fatigue and disinterest. This is what gets a movie finished but in a state where it’s depressing to watch. That said, Sony have been on an insanely bad run, pushing live-action Spider-Man adjacent films with big mid-2000s tones that are far from a nostalgia trip. It is the embodiment of regression and an almost wilful disregard of cinematic evolution, persevering with dogged insistence that this time the formula will work. And by the time a Mrs Chen [Peggy Lu] dance number is shoe-horned in and Eddie acquires his fifth pair of shoes, I genuinely couldn’t tell if this is worse than Madame Web and Morbius. In fact, the only thing really separating this final Venom outing from those infamous duds is the amount of money funnelled into it. We’re assaulted with the same flimsy characterisations, grating dialogue, and technical incompetencies, but the difference here is that there’s so much shit thrown at the screen that people will say they had fun, as if that fundamentally redeemed everything. But, in truth, no amount of tom hardy shenanigans can save this utterly hollow ride.

Release Date:
25 October 2024

The Scene To Look Out For:
This may be a bit of a reach but I found a section, that what was probably intended as a bit of fun, to be quietly antagonistic. See, as the film closes and the credits role, we’re shown a menagerie of different animals infected by the Venom symbiote. So, literally a Venom squirrel, then a Venom lion, and a Venom elephant. And rather than simply laughing, clapping away and musing how hilarious it would be if Venom took on the form of a crocodile for a period of time, I was just struck with this cynical laughing voice, muttering “Hehe, you idiots will buy anything. Look, here’s Venom as a pig. What do I care? It’s not in the movie but it’ll keep you lot happy. Now give me your money.” Again, I fully acknowledge this is a reach but after an overly taxing hour and forty minutes, that feeling of mocking manipulation was all I was left with.

Notable Characters:
When you get to a certain stage of filmmaking, you can hire seemingly whomever you like. And there are so many fantastic actors in this feature, who are annoyingly given the most undercooked characters to embody. And that would be bad enough, if we weren’t in a 2020s multiverse saturated era. In other words, you cannot do a Venom movie and cast people from the MCU. Granted, the two versions of the bartender played by Cristo Fernández make sense. No harm, no foul. But by including Chiwetel Ejiofor, who has played the sorcerer Karl Mordo multiple times, you scramble the audiences’ mind a little. Was there nobody else who could play the role of your incredibly generic army guy? But, I’d let that one slide, if it weren’t for the inclusion of Rhys Ifans. That’s just stupid. Rhys Ifans has appeared in both Sony and Disney features as Dr Curt Connors – an iconic Spider-Man villain. So to include him here, when the last time we saw him was in a multiverse-hopping capacity, feels actively inimical. Again, this ridiculous hippie character who befriends randos and is terrified of letting his children eat sugar but has no qualms breaking into a military facility, could have been played by any living actor under the sun. The only way you could have made a bigger, more trolling misstep would be to cast someone like Tobey Maguire. What an utterly asinine choice.

Highlighted Quote:
“Nice horsey, nice horsey.. surprise horsey! I love horsey!”

In A Few Words:
“A shambolic, lazy conclusion that has so little of actual note to offer.”

Total Score: 1/5

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